So I have a new graphic novel (soon) + thoughts on writing romance

I am excited to be making a teen romcom with Erica Eng, one of the best comics creators in Malaysia who I am lucky to also call a friend!! More about Bee's Guide to Applied Romantics in the cut.

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This book took me AGES to write, no thanks mostly to the Horrible Set of Juggling Circumstances + Burnout that plagued the past 3 years. It fell victim to the Worst Creative Block of my entire life, which triumphed even the one that plagued My Aunt is a Monster. But here I am. I made it. Ragged, but still preserving my passion for art-making... and most importantly, feeling proud of the book I managed to produce.

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I am glad I didn't rush through Applied Romantics. If there is one thing that the last 10 years have taught me, it's that integrity is so important to my life/career's unfolding. It's not a value that I intentionally set to achieve, but it happened to become a value that has naturally integrated itself into my way of living/making. I'd chalk it up as an effect of my stubbornness: I refuse to give up my creator rights which led me down the path to independent (web)comics, I left academia so I had no choice but to find a way to start my publishing career, and I stuck to my belief in my art/community in securing my permanent residency.

In Applied Romantics' case it's more about choosing to wait out the Block. There's a creative principle I abide by, which is that I don't force myself to make a story if I don't feel it. This applies to both potential ideas and current projects. I choose the book that compels me, then I have to listen to what it needs from me. I follow the journey of its realisation, which means I can't force the story and characters to happen when they don't feel ready.

Unfortunately, this slow-cooking method of writing is not ideal in traditional publishing, where there's an increasing demand to keep hustling and putting out books like a machine to maintain one's presence. I am generally and naturally a very fast producer of comics, so I could theoretically keep up with the pace. But I really totally completely cannot operate by force. I hate being pressured and expected to churn work, to push through emotional and mental stresses. Sure, I will feel guilt for making my editor, agent, artist and readers wait, but not the market.

The Block/Burnout was so bad, I was seriously doubting my ability to write stories. I had all of these drafts I wanted to write, but couldn't make through more than a few pages. I kept editing and re-editing scenes that already existed, a stupidly Sisyphean reflex. The way forward was a void: all of these plot threads, clear in my mind, were like knots to me at my fingertips. And untangling felt so exhausting, especially with the possibly-chronic-hopefully-not-medical fatigue

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(Note: duh, how poetic would it be for the person known for getting things done so productively with energy to spare to be nerfed by chronic exhaustion)
(Note 2, as an update to the post I just linked: despite my best attempts I am still trapped by the Juggling Three Projects at Once cycle - even to this day. Idk man. It's divinely ordained at this point. Things just keep happening to me all at once simultaneously by external parties I can't guarantee)

Fortunately, my publisher First Second is generous (not a kindness I'd abuse! Not intentionally!). This kindness has allowed Applied Romantics to find its footing and break out of the Block. I am very happy to say that the book came out the way it's always meant to be, even if I couldn't see its final shape at the time. It feels genuine and a result from many years of working through my soul, which is a blessing that is not guaranteed to any artist with their project. I am grateful to have come out of the Block with a book I have no negative emotions towards.

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This is an interesting project to me since it's tapping into severals well I haven't explored in past works:

1. Nostalgic and epistolary conventions specific to the way I lived as a preteen/teenager: when the internet was emerging into and then revelling in the early social media era. Tumblr, Livejournal, Deviantart, Neopets, Blogspot and early Twitter/FB were my domains. Blogging was the primary way we were interacting with the internet then (and it has impacted me so much that I stubbornly insist on blogging even when it's not as popular nowadays). I was familiar with how email, online journalism and microblogging are used as narrative devices in romantic comedies, but not the format of the Tumblr blog.
2. A story specifically and solely about romance. When I write romance in my books, it's always by happenstance. The characters just happen to gravitate towards each other as a consequence of character development on something else. This is probably my aspec brain operating: I am not really into romance unless the chemistry is too good, and the chemistry can only be good if the characters had very strong individual arcs/interiority... which isn't always a sure thing in the romance genre, since tropes and formulas can be used in the place of character work. Not a bad thing, just that it doesn't appeal to me - both as an author and reader. Anyway, Applied Romantics is my first story where I am writing in the romance genre and intentionally engineering a romance, just like my protagonist.

The second well is a fun exercise because I already had a successful track record: Zeynel and Ayse from The Carpet Merchant. There are some other couples/throuples whose work I haven't yet shown, for example the Alexander x Hephaestion dynamic in Alexander Comic. But anyway, with Zeynel and Ayse it was obvious to me why they worked and why so many readers believed in them: I put a lot of thought into developing each character's personality and interiority, and how their personhood informs/interacts with each other. This work is very important to nail as Zeynel turns into a vampire and the reader has to understand a lot of things emotionally: how Zeynel eventually surrenders to trusting Ayse, how Ayse accepted that terrifying task of protecting Zeynel (and in the first place trusting the monster is actually her husband!), why Zeynel refuses to turn Ayse, the dreams at stake, etc. The vampirism incident lays bare the past, present and future of Zeynel and Ayse both as a couple and individuals. It's crucial that the reader believes those two in the greatest of faith. Not out of suspension of disbelief, but in understanding and trusting the characters (and me, the author)... and accepting that the story is the only way those circumstances with those characters could unfold.

With Applied Romantics, this is even more at stake, since the entire story's ending completely hinges on whether or not Bee and Dev work as a pair. This is made more complicated by Bee's asexuality - her lack of sexual attraction for anyone, including her boyfriend. BUT this doesn't mean that she doesn't love him - as a person who is so important to her on an emotional and spiritual level. The annoying and complicated misconception about aceness is society's conflating of physical desire for love. Physical desire can create and be an outcome of love, but it's not love itself. However, sex is equated to romance so much in real life and storytelling that a lot of people think if you don't feel physical attraction (in the beginning or later down the line), then you never loved them in the first place and/or will never be able to love them ever, which is not true. (Obviously there's nuance in this conversation, as with all human interaction)

This complication also applies to Dev too, who is your typical allosexual guy and exhibits desires. Society tends to pity and prioritise the allosexual partner, who has needs to be fulfilled, which may not necessarily be fully reciprocated by Bee. BUT this doesn't mean he doesn't love her and can't choose to commit to navigating their relationship together... because those two are compatible in so many other areas.

And that's a thing I have to land! In a society and media that conflates sex with romance, how do I (as an ace person) show my ace character loves her boyfriend and that he loves her despite the circumstance of "no sexual attraction" being a potential obstacle? And no, I won't do it in the chaste Disney animated film way either, where the topic of sex doesn't emerge and isn't even a factor in the characters' minds. Sex is a factor whether we like it or not in any intimate partnering past puberty, and it's a normal challenge for teens to navigate. And teens are more pressured by society's own myth-making even more than us & me jaded cynical grown-ups who have seen the many ways that life, love and living happens. This frankness - in speaking about stuff - is part of my approach in writing the story, but there's a bit more to it too, because frankness doesn't create believability.

Believability is so crucial to how a romantic coupling (or any other type of relationship, really, even friendship) succeeds in fiction... and in real life too. Personally speaking if I trust and understand the couple's respective personalities and their compatibility, I can believe them surviving any challenge together, even over-the-top ones like being turned into a vampire. In Applied Romantics' case, I am not so concerned about getting fellow aces to understand/trust Bee & Dev, rather I am getting the rest of everyone to empathise Bee and my's position: as aces who desire romance for themselves, complicated by our disinterest in sex. I am not looking for relatibility - I don't necessarily want allos to relate to our struggles, but they can emphatise and draw parallels in parts of their life. From there they can build trust with Bee.

This conundrum was part of why Applied Romantics was so difficult to write. I didn't really struggle in the character work: it's less the task and more the labour of ensuring it was solid. Structural integrity.

[unfortunately I cannot go further as it would enter the realm of spoilers; see me in a few years]

Anyway I have a new graphic novel coming out and I am hype!!

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Note, again: Now that the Block is vanquished I have been busy going through my drafts. To the point that The World in Deeper Inspection is coming back with a new story after a decade of silence - which is wild. There's a lot I want to say about TWIDI, so I will leave that for another post.